In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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