sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
