If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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