I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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