then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize