susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
