Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
