So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
