Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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