what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
