I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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