What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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