i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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