she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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