Need sex. Gaining weight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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