If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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