dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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