I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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