What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
