when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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