Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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