UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
