So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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