Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
