Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
