If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
