So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
