Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
