i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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