is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
