I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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