Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
