I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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