Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
