im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
