I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I had to cum in my sink.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
