Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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