Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
