he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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