how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
