i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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