I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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