im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
