I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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