Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
