just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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