Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just want to make out with him forever
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
