yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
