I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
