im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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