The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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