You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I look better un-naked...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize