umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
