Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
