Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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