I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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