Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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