I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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