it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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