So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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