We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
