just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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