I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
