I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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