White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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